I could laugh at these people and dismiss them out of hand. But they’re winning elections around the country and pushing for laws to force-feed their bullshit religion to our youth in public schools. All in the name of “religious freedom.” The Evangelical Right is little better than a terrorist group. They’re louder and more belligerent with each passing day. I am not ashamed to say that these freaks scare the bejabbers out of me.

Christians would have us believe…

The universe is only 6,000 to 10,000 years old.

All credible evidence shows that the universe is nearly 14 billion years old, and Earth is roughly 4.5 billion years old.

That a serpent spoke to a woman and led her into temptation.

Snakes are incapable of articulating human speech and do not possess the necessary intellect to do so.

That a donkey spoke to a man.

Donkeys, like snakes, can’t articulate human speech.

That a burning bush spoke to Moses.

Many possibilities exist. Maybe Moses was high. Maybe he hallucinated. Maybe it was a trick of the light. Maybe the old bastard just made it all up. Or maybe the whole thing is made up and Moses never existed.

That their god populated the world not once but twice via incestuous relationships.

Gross. Nasty. Ew. Check the troubles that Cheetahs are having due to a much less severe genetic bottleneck.

That over a million slaves wandered the wilderness for forty years before finally finding their supposed “Promised Land.”

Doubtful at best. The Egyptians were meticulous record keepers. But there is no historical record of a million slaves sauntering out of the country.

God created light before anything else.

From what? Theists like to claim that atheists believe in “something from nothing.” But the idea of God just speaking everything into existence is the epitome of that concept.

That their god created plant life before creating the sun.

Plants require light. Are we to believe they used this questionable “pre-sun” light to photosynthesize?

That humanity is forever cursed because Adam and Eve ate a piece of fruit from the wrong tree.

If God truly holds a grudge for thousands of years, He is unworthy of my time. F*ck Him and the camel he rode in on.

That when the alleged Jesus Christ allegedly died on the cross, zombies dug themselves out of the ground and wandered about the countryside.

Oh please…

That the world is flat and covered by a crystal dome and that the sun, moon and stars are just above us under the dome as well.

So the biblical authors were flar-Earthers. Why am I not surprised?

That when the time of Armageddon arrives, the stars will fall to Earth.

Keep in mind that stars are suns like our own, many of them larger than ours. This conclusively proves that the primitive goat herders who wrote the Bible had no idea what they were talking about. And that means that no omniscient god was telling them what to write.

That (in Egypt) God somehow changed the atomic structure of water into fermented fruit juice.

Neat trick. Wish I could turn water into Jack Black.

That a global flood caused the world to be flooded under water over a mile deep.

Of the Bible’s ridiculous stories, this is the easiest to debunk.

That the island city of Tyre (in present-day Lebanon) was destroyed by Nebuchadnezzar, never to be seen again.

Tyre is presently a thriving city of over a 130,000 people. So much for “So saith the Lord.”

God said do not eat shellfish, not to wear mixed fabrics and not to mix crops in the same field.

God spent all that time telling folks not to do a bunch of harmless things, but never found the time to condemn slavery.

That a bunch of ignorant savages, led by this guy Joshua brought down city walls by shouting and playing horns.

If that were true, neither Chicago or ACDC would ever have been able to hold a concert indoors. But that’s OK. I love a good outdoor concert.

See y’all next time. — AB

Related Reading

• Inbreeding of Cheetahs
• Disproving Noah’s Flood
• Falling Stars (Revelation Chpt 6)
• Religion In Public Schools
• Slavery in the Bible